Kieren's pain
by EvanescenceVampGothGirl
Summary: You all know what happened in the ITF finale, but this is from Ren's POV


I froze. As I saw the grey skinned still… thing, cold ice travelled through me. It was Rick. I stood there for a second, the shock not quite registered. Then, feeling my hands start to shake, I walked up to him. I knelt, and felt the shaky, sob-filled breaths escape me. I looked and saw the red hunter's knife, buried in the back of his head. I was shaking hard, tears running down my cheeks.

"Rick…" I whispered.

I went close to his ear, then murmered, "I'm sorry. I love you"

Then, replacing the fragileness was a burning anger. Someone did this. Bill Macy. The bone-crushing guilt and sadness was pushed out as rage replaced it. How could have killed his own son? I reached round Rick's head and pulled out the bloody red knife and stomped into Bill's home.

"Get up!" I said, the knife in my hand, "I said get up!"

"I finally killed that… imposter!" Bill got up, smirking.

It made me feel physically sick that he was happy over Rick's death. Bill sickened me.

"He was your son!" I cried, pulling at the tufts of blond hair on my head.

"He wasn't my Rick. My Rick would not have stuck up for a piece of rotten crap!" Bill said.

"He was!"

"My Rick will be coming back, next time! But they must be judged first!" Bill said.

"What next time?" I asked, confuddled.

"Have you not fucked off yet?"

Then, impatientely, I practically screamed at him, "WHAT NEXT TIME?"

"Only the good will rise. Not you, you pathetic excuse of a being, the good"

Those words stung, and tears rose to my eyes. I threw my knife onto the sofa.

"You killed him…" I whispered brokenly, "Your own son. For something that won't even happen!"

Then, Janet walked in.

"Hello, Kieren" Janet greeted me, oblivious to what was happening, "Where's Rick?"

"He wasn't Rick. He never was" Bill said.

"This was a one shot deal, Bill, you idiot, and you wasted it!" I argued back.

"If he was a rotter, I didn't want him back" Bill growled.

Janet picked up the knife.

"You bastard!" She screamed, swinging it so it cut his hands, "You killed our son!"

Bill's face changed from anger… to realisation.

"Oh, my god" His eyes went wide.

I pulled Janet away from him and tucked her head under my chin in a calming matter. I was a mess, but it was _her_ son. Bill ran outside, muttering to himself and crying. And that was when I heard it. The audible bang. It was deafening, made me gasp. I stood up and walked out, Janet in tow. Bill was lying unmoving on the ground and Ken had a shotgun in his arms. He turned and marched away. Janet started to cry, and I began to run, blindly, truly feeling like I didn't belong. Then, I found myself outside the den, where Rick and I used to hang. Also, where I took that final step and killed myself. I gasped. I wasn't ready for this. But still, I found myself drawn inside. I sat on the ground, burying my face in my knees, trying to stop the tears. But I couldn't. They splashed onto the ground as I softly sobbed. But suddenly, I heard a noise.

"Hello?" I called.

Nothing.

"Hello…" I was more wary now, knowing that this part of Roarton still had untreated PDS sufferers.

But Mum came out of the clearing.

"Christ, Mum, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I broke down in tears again.

"Kieren…" She said, wary of what I could do to myself, "I'm so sorry"

"You're _sorry_?" I cried, "I think I got Rick killed. I'm so stupid!"

"Look, love, it isn't your fault!" She said softly.

"It is. Oh, God. It's becoming just how it was before, and I don't know how to change it!" I sobbed hard, my breaths coming in short rasps.

Mum immediately hugged me into her, letting me cry.

"I know how you feel" She whispered.

"No, Mum, you don't know how I feel!" I said defiantly.

"I do. When I was young, a hundred years ago" I let out a short laugh at that, "I met a man. He was in the army and I thought he was the one. That I couldn't lose him. But, he dumps me. Every week, everything got worse. So I decided to end it all"

I looked at her, surprised.

"Yes, Kieren. I quit college, then one night bought paracetamols from every chemist I could see. One of the chemists, then refused me. I burst into tears right there. But the person behind the counter, he then talked to me. He went off his shift. He even made me laugh. That's something you don't know about your Dad. He can be funny at times"

I looked down.

"W-Where is he?" I asked.

"At home, probably panicking out of his mind" she kissed my forehead, "I love you son. Never forget that"

I smiled up at her. We walked home. I saw Jem, sitting on the couch, her green eyes tear filled. Dad was sitting, running his hands through his hair. He looked up.

"Kieren…" He said, hiding his anger, "You're back"

"No, Dad. Please don't let me off that easily" I murmered, knowing It would hurt us both, what I had to say.

"Okay… You're grounded" He said.

"No. Come on, give me hell" I said, my voice raised a bit.

"I was worried sick!" He suddenly cried, "You go off, not telling anyone where you are going, Jem says she knows where you might be"

I gulped, preparing myself.

"I go to the little den, see you, thinking 'Thank God, he's alright'. But when I touch your hand, it's covered with blood" He stared to break down, "Your deathly cold. In pick you up, and I run and I run with you, but I can't!"

He slumped, and I ran over and gave him a tight hug.

"Shh, it's alright, Dad. It's all going to be alright" I whisper.

Jem and Mum also join in on the hug, knowing that I had lost also, but our family was all I had left to cling to.

And I would.

THE END


End file.
